Anti-Mage Gets a Haircut

This may be the fourth or fifth time I’ve written those words. Anti-Mage Gets a Haircut. It is, of course, the title of a blog entry several years in the making. I might get halfway through writing this post and delete it once again, though I guess if you’re reading these words, that didn’t happen. Some readers of my blog might be confused by this. Have a seat and get comfortable. It’s story time.

Several years ago, I was streaming a game of Dota 2. I had my usual, regular viewers watching at the time, and I wanted to do something to reward them. I had the idea that I would host a !raffle on my stream, which is something commonly done on Twitch. As most of my regular viewers are Dota players themselves, I decided to buy an extra treasure (with fancy items you can use in-game) to give away. It also helped that at this time I knew most of my viewers personally, so I figured it wouldn’t be too hard to organize. As it turned out, my good friend (Monkey)Fodder won the raffle! However, she wasn’t playing a lot of Dota at the time, although she had in the past. I messaged her, asking if she wanted an alternate prize for winning the raffle, since she didn’t really want or need the treasure. She came up with the idea of me writing another blog post, with the requisite title: Anti-Mage Gets a Haircut.

I accepted this proposal, partly because it was what she wanted, and partly because I thought it very doable. I also was quite flattered that she would ask for another blog post, when she could have just asked me for chocolate or something else that is tangible. She told me that she didn’t mind what was in the blog post in terms of content, but the title couldn’t change. She also said she’d give me until November (I think) which at this time was about two months away. Quality, she said, was more important than haste. She wanted to give me plenty of time to do a good job of the entry. I immediately started thinking of ideas.

My first thought was a creative writing type entry based around Dota 2. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve written a short story using that universe as inspiration. I thought it would be based around the laning stage of Dota 2, with Anti-Mage featuring (obviously) and going up against Timbersaw, a popular offlaner. Timbersaw would try to kill Anti-Mage and fail, with his razor blades cutting Anti-Mage’s hair at the end. I thought that this would fit the requirements and be quite funny, only…. it wasn’t. I wrote half of the story, and absolutely hated it. Just god awful writing. No character, no flavour. Not good enough. I deleted it.

I then opted for a modified story. This time, Anti-Mage would actually go to a barber to get a haircut, and wouldn’t notice that it was actually Timbersaw who owned the place. He would go in, perhaps blindfolded (as per his cosmetic) and not realize he was in mortal danger. Timbersaw would cut his hair, and then perhaps try to kill him. Well, I didn’t get far through this story either before I decided it was bad, and deleted this too.

_{I would never want to cut those locks}

At some point, I think about a month before the deadline, Fodder messaged me again, and she offered me an out. She told me she knew I hadn’t initially decided to do a blog post when I ran the raffle, and that she didn’t want to force it if I wasn’t into it. She came up with an alternate suggestion (something about a supermarket, I think?) but I didn’t take it. I was determined to fulfill my obligation.

Well, November came and went. I had tried to come up with an idea and write about it, but had obviously failed to do so. I sat and stewed over my ideas for a while, and tried to figure out what to do. In the meantime, I became a source of a great number of memes among my friends. Don’t trust Meister! they said. Don’t subscribe to this man, he’ll con you! I didn’t take offence, because my friends are hilarious and some of my most ardent supporters. However, I did feel bad about it. I had not delivered. I went back to the drawing board.

My third idea was to switch it up. I wouldn’t write a creative piece, but perhaps a list-type idea. I considered ranking every Anti-Mage cosmetic (items in game) at the time, and providing an opinion on each, rather like my Rocket League post from all those months ago. When I went to do it however, I wasn’t vibing. I felt my content wasn’t very good, and it seemed like a cop out. I deleted the post. Once again, I was punted back to square one.

At this point, I started to lose heart. I didn’t want to give up, but I couldn’t muster a way forward either. I could have written a crap piece just to get it out of the way, but this was supposed to be a PRIZE. It needed to be good and worth reading. Writing a bad entry would be worse than not doing it at all, I thought.

Weeks turned into months, which eventually turned into years. I believe about 2 – 3 years have passed, although I can’t say for sure. Fodder will probably know how long it’s been. Every few months someone would ask me about the post, and I would have to say no, that I hadn’t done it. I posted a few things in the meantime of course, but not the one I said I would. Sometimes, in my life, I’ve been known to agree to do things, and end up taking months or even years to get it done. A character flaw, I suppose, no doubt one of several. And yet, there are lessons to be learned here. Although I teach English, I ignored the writing process. I didn’t write and then edit. I stopped starting. Several ideas came and went, never making it out of my head. Overthinking is a problem that continues to plague me. Failure appears to be something I’m still not able to readily face.

I’ve tried to tell this story, about the blog post, in detail. It’s a years-long saga, after all, so I wanted to do it justice. I have no idea if this post itself is entertaining or enjoyable to read, but maybe that is just the point; it doesn’t need to be. It’s out there to be enjoyed or ignored by whomever. Maybe you found this post intensely boring. That’s okay. I could stand to worry less about what people might like, and put my creations out there more.

There once was an Anti-Mage,
Whose haircut was all the rage.
I’d’ve told you the tale,
If I could stand to fail,
Remember, just get some ideas down on the page.

These things take time, you know.

– Meister.